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Sunday, December 31, 2006

The N Word

In this freedom loving age when the right to bear arms or bear with harmful words is sacrosanct, there are naturally a few limits. We are free to hunt game and perform target practice with any kind of weapon, save for those devices that are a bit more radioactive in nature. Similarly, we can take verbal target practice at whomever we choose, except that we cannot use words that are similarly radioactive. Take the N word for instance, an utterance whose fallout is so great it can only be mentioned miles away from earshot or snapshot, preferably in desert locations that are far from comedy clubs or the office.

N words can be defined as words that don't just insult their target, but everybody who is close to or shares something in common with that target. Thus an N word does not insult a few, but thousands, and without limits can insult the very human race! Of course, we as a civilized people cannot abide by such things, and we impose sanctions against those who develop or use such deadly malapropisms. Given the fact that N words are so dangerous, we keep their usage in check by mutually assured destruction, of the 'same to you mutha' variety. Nonetheless, N words do have some value if they are properly constructed. A special class of N words, or tactical N words, keep their destructive range to a reasonable level, and are Ok in special circumstances. Catch phrases like 'you SOB', or 'your mother wears combat boots' keep fallout to a minimal level of friends and family, but are still used too often as a rather overcompensating retaliation to the more primitive slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Tactical N words have the same destructive power as F words, except that the latter is not radioactive. It is also worth noting that used indiscriminately, N and F words cause their subjects to mutate, and become immune to such repetitive taunts. Ironically, these mutated creatures develop a keen defense mechanism towards all this verbal explosiveness. Some call it a sense of humor.

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