As we pass through another season of voting, similar I think to passing gas, except its a lot less comfortable, it's important to recognize that we're not that different from those lovable democrats of old, the classical Athenians (ca: 400BC). They invented democracy, and with it assassination of the political sort, idiotic foreign intervention, gerrymandering to rig the vote, and a governance if not by logic, at least by happy sounding metaphor.
For the American congress, clever gerrymandering made it possible to democrats and republicans to run virtually unopposed, and to demonize each other as they fight for the levers of power that can't be immobilized by clever back room deals. As for the issues, just wrap them up in the rhetoric, entitlement, or manifest destiny, and you've got the sound bites that can carry elections.
The Athenians knew this business as well. Only male citizens could vote, which left out the vast majority of the populace, consisting as it were of women and slaves (in our times also called the middle classes) And the pressing issue then and now was security. Invade this city state, bully another, par for the course for the supreme power in the Aegean.
Athenians were very bright people, giving us philosophy, literature, and science, things we know about but never read. This of course didn't stop them from entering interminable wars with their neighbors, making stupid economic decisions, and acting for the most part like selfish assholes. Of course, the Romans, Macedonian, and other peoples who took them over were just as selfish, were even greater assholes, and made even stupider economic and political decisions, leading inevitably to a long series of dark ages fully of death, destruction, and ignorance. Winston Churchill said that democracy is an awful form of government, but that all the others were far worse. Perhaps that's the muse that checks my despair with the idiotic politics of the U.S. Heavens! I could be living in Bolivia, Ivory Coast, Chad or France!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Friday, November 05, 2004
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff: Just Stuff it!
A family is a wonderful thing, but spouses, children, and parents can slowly chip away at your dignity, time, and most importantly, bank account. Small stuff adds up to being large stuff, so you need to find a strategy to tell your loved ones to ‘stuff it’.
People who learn to make ordinary generic irksome stuff into small barely annoying stuff have a tremendous edge. They are more peaceful with themselves and less attached to having things a certain way. This can be particularly valuable as the antics of your family bring your world crumbling down upon your head. In general, you will feel less burdened, and this peaceful feeling can spread to other family members, who will now steer clear of that snoring lump on the couch, lest you deprive them of some small stuff, like their teeth.
Finally, people who know how to stuff the small stuff feel more patient and easygoing, have better sex lives, win more and better promotions on the job, are more likely to win Power-Ball lotteries, and when they die will go to heaven without having first to take a number.
The following strategies are designed to address some of the most common sources of aggravation, and to help you appreciate the gift of a well trained and housebroken family.
Put Feelings First
I recall that as a child, when I wrecked the furniture, scratched the car, or indulged in other forgivable mischief, my father would take me in his arms. As his hands tightened around my neck, he would murmur gently from behind his clenched teeth: "Stuff can be replaced, and so can you!" From that pearl of wisdom, I learned how to postpone cleaning, yard work, and other errands, and all the while seem noble and unselfish.
There is a lesson somewhere to be learned in all this. You can make precious moments out of when your wife tells you about her successful shopping trip, or when your child wants to share with you his exultation and pride upon passing the seventh level in the video game ‘ Quake’. With a simple mechanical nod, you help them feel pride and self worth, and assist them in their development of a life of wanton materialism and video game addiction. These are memories that can last a lifetime.
But, otherwise, unless you can live with a dented car, scratched furniture, and dirty dishes, tell your loved one’s to stuff it! By venting your wrath, your loved ones will soon develop their own precious memories about how its not nice to make havoc with your stuff, and will steer clear of anything that disturbs you. And as for their feelings, just remember that feelings mend at lot faster than upholstery stains.
Learn to live like kids do.
We should emulate the life affirming exuberance of little children. Children live for the moment, do what they feel, and have no regrets if they make mistakes.
We should cultivate such joyful innocence. Adults of course do have to work on it a little. It’s often difficult to act without thinking of others, to be mindless about responsibility, and have no empathy for anybody or anything but yourself. In other words, it takes a little doing to revert to the natural state of a child, and to behave, for all intents and purposes, like a little Caligula.
But it can be done! Observe your child as he or she abuses their peers or the family pet, and ignore utterly your every request. Soon you will be able to pick up their invaluable sociopathic skills, and learn to take innocent and inconsiderate pleasure in abusing your family, boss, and coworkers. It can even prepare you with new skills that you can apply to new career paths like politics or law!!
Forgive your outbursts
No matter how close you all are, sometimes you’ll just lose it. You’ll get angry, rant and rave, maybe even go after a family member with a chain saw. But unless you hurt someone, you only need admit that you’re only human and move on.
Indeed, beating yourself up afterwards is not the solution, since there are a lot more people deserving of a good thrashing than you.
Becoming a more peaceful person, particularly in at home and with family, is a process, not a destination; unless of course your family has taken off to a destination such as your mother-in-laws, while leaving you in proud possession of a six pack of beer and the TV remote control. When you forgive your own outbursts its easier to extend the same courtesy to others, particularly when you visit them in the place where your outburst put them, namely the hospital or mental ward.
Think of your home as the Golden Gate Bridge
Like most folks, I used to get overwhelmed and frustrated about the maintenance of our home. If seemed like nothing ever got done- a bed needed making, meals had to be prepared, and pants had to be put on one leg at a time, again and again. I kept waiting for the time when the work would be finished, but alas, I never won the lottery, my kids unfortunately didn’t run off as they reached puberty, and my wife refuses to accept my narrow instinctive calling of hunter-gatherer.
Then I hear a story about how the Golden Gate Bridge had to be painted every day, and how this incessant painting caused many workers to leap off the bridge in despair, and local government to impose onerous tolls. Thinking about my responsibilities in these terms has been a tremendous relief to me. Now when I think about my wife and kids constantly badgering me for money or to do incessant chores, I can quell my ardent desire to jump off the roof. Instead of panicking when something needs to be done, I put in all in perspective. So, as mildew, termites, and nagging family progressively reduce my physical and social life to a shambles, I will not panic, and keep in mind that all of these things can be addressed the first thing tomorrow.
Develop your own reset button
In every home there are warning signals that chaos is imminent. These signs, such a billowing smoke, siren alarms, shrieking cats and mates, and the stampeding noise of children are usually ignored until they interfere with your appreciation of the football game on TV. But by then its normally too late, and you are then rudely pulled out of your Lay-z-boy into the baleful world of oven cleaning chores, lawn mowing, and little Johnny’s soccer practice.
But we can use these feelings as signals to hit the reset button. So when your family gathers around you like hungry hyenas zoning in on an injured wildebeest, you take them into another room, and hit your reset button. This button, which resembles the garage door opener, can slam them in the garage for hours at a time. As you wait for them to cool off, you can cool off with your beer as you finish your game. While you’re at it you can develop a rewind, fast forward, and pause button too as you think about the good old days, about your upcoming vacation, and about that quick nap that you’re going to take right now.
Read a book that takes a different position from what you hold dear.
Its always good to expand your horizon, to challenge yourself with new ideas. Sometimes we can get stuck when we revert again and again to the same old patterns of thinking. You know that those well worn and tiring rules, those boring golden rules, stop signs, and fat content labels on hot dog wrappers. These can really impede you from dynamic and liberating thinking. A quick antidote from the same old ways of thinking is to read books that take positions a bit different from those we are so familiar and complacent with.
For example, I read the other day a book written by an obscure Austrian house painter. I learned some marvelous new things, such as how people need lots of living space, and how really selfish some people are who refuse to share their ample living space with others who just need a little living room. This is particularly irksome when all you need is something small, like the Ukraine.
I also learned some interesting things about international politics and banking, and in particular about the worldwide Jewish conspiracy that threatens world peace. I also became interested in joining fun social groups where I enjoyed the camaraderie of campfire meetings at the local church or synagogue. Since then my life has changed so much for the better, and all thanks to the courage to consider new ideas, and of course to the inspiration of mein Fuhrer!
Let someone else be right
When someone else wins an argument, it doesn’t mean that you lose, since no one can really win until you say so. Settling an argument is like settling the score of a football game, except you’re a referee. So when your wife declares you an utter fool, you can easily call back the argument on a technicality. Thus, by merely saying, "But I recall that it was you who said such and such", there is no way for your better half to revisit the time of the conversation to conclusively prove you are wrong. Thus, since there is no instant replay available for your past mistakes, you’re pretty safe to dismiss any argument she may have.
Besides reinventing the past, another helpful strategy is to simply change the topic. For example, if one of my kids say, "You never spend any time with me." My first thought would be to respond, "Yes, I do. Wasn’t it just three years ago that we went to the park?" However, this just feeds the argument. A better response is. "You’re right. I’d like to spend more time together. I love you very much." As you return to watching your favorite wresting match, you know that you have not only ended the argument before it started, but that you reinforced in your child that precious cynical attitude that will cause him to give up before he even thinks about questioning you again.
Finally, if a family member just has to be right, let them be right about something you care little or nothing about. Tell your wife that her choice of wallpaper is perfect, your child that Mohawk haircut looks fine, and your teenager that its ok to substitute a three month BA degree from Bob’s Institute of Hair Care in place of a university education.
Speak Softly…and carry a big stick
If you really want someone to listen to you, soften your voice as you slowly stroke the sides of a baseball bat. You be surprised how attentive and respectful your audience will become as they notice that you mean business. As you relax your body and lower your voice, take a few practice swings. Smashing a lamp or two will communicate to your family the transitory nature of existence, and they will know and appreciate your sincerity.
You’ll be surprised that similar mild mannered gestures such as holding frying pans, hammers, and assorted power tools can be perceived as a gentle portent of doom. This apocalyptic foreboding can elicit just the right ‘fear of dad’ that can make your family as attentive and affectionate as a warm puppy.
Ask Yourself, "Why not me."
A few years ago, I was complaining to my boss Ebenezer about how miserable and wretched my life was. Rather than sympathize with my plight, he snarled:
"Is there some reason you should be exempted from the troubles of the human race? And so what if you can’t make your VISA payments? Are there not workhouses? Are there not jails? Your complaint is just a big humbug!"
He was just stating the obvious—that everyone’s life is full of disasters, tragedies, and frequent indigestion. Regardless of your background, religion, sex, credit rating, astrological sign, or sense of humor, shit happens.
Case closed.
Remember what your children really want
Its easy to say, "My children are the most important thing to me in my life", but another to ask what it is that makes you important in their own eyes. Our kids don’t need our success, and they don’t need our love, they need our bucks. They don’t care if you are a doctor, lawyer, hooker, Mr. Rogers, or a Mafia Don. They just need the bucks, and they will pretend to love you just fine. Your willingness to give them money unconditionally will turn them into slavering sycophants with marginal social skills who have a phobic response to anything resembling working for a living.
We have only a short window of opportunity to make them into such helpless dependent creatures. Fortunately, most of us have wisely dedicated ourselves to career success to the exclusion of time wasting activities like reading to our kids, watching their soccer games, or talking to them. This frees us to earn those precious bucks that kids most dearly need. Kids just want to be at the center of our universe, and to live on the planet Bloomindales. For the few precious years that we have them, lets make it so.
People who learn to make ordinary generic irksome stuff into small barely annoying stuff have a tremendous edge. They are more peaceful with themselves and less attached to having things a certain way. This can be particularly valuable as the antics of your family bring your world crumbling down upon your head. In general, you will feel less burdened, and this peaceful feeling can spread to other family members, who will now steer clear of that snoring lump on the couch, lest you deprive them of some small stuff, like their teeth.
Finally, people who know how to stuff the small stuff feel more patient and easygoing, have better sex lives, win more and better promotions on the job, are more likely to win Power-Ball lotteries, and when they die will go to heaven without having first to take a number.
The following strategies are designed to address some of the most common sources of aggravation, and to help you appreciate the gift of a well trained and housebroken family.
Put Feelings First
I recall that as a child, when I wrecked the furniture, scratched the car, or indulged in other forgivable mischief, my father would take me in his arms. As his hands tightened around my neck, he would murmur gently from behind his clenched teeth: "Stuff can be replaced, and so can you!" From that pearl of wisdom, I learned how to postpone cleaning, yard work, and other errands, and all the while seem noble and unselfish.
There is a lesson somewhere to be learned in all this. You can make precious moments out of when your wife tells you about her successful shopping trip, or when your child wants to share with you his exultation and pride upon passing the seventh level in the video game ‘ Quake’. With a simple mechanical nod, you help them feel pride and self worth, and assist them in their development of a life of wanton materialism and video game addiction. These are memories that can last a lifetime.
But, otherwise, unless you can live with a dented car, scratched furniture, and dirty dishes, tell your loved one’s to stuff it! By venting your wrath, your loved ones will soon develop their own precious memories about how its not nice to make havoc with your stuff, and will steer clear of anything that disturbs you. And as for their feelings, just remember that feelings mend at lot faster than upholstery stains.
Learn to live like kids do.
We should emulate the life affirming exuberance of little children. Children live for the moment, do what they feel, and have no regrets if they make mistakes.
We should cultivate such joyful innocence. Adults of course do have to work on it a little. It’s often difficult to act without thinking of others, to be mindless about responsibility, and have no empathy for anybody or anything but yourself. In other words, it takes a little doing to revert to the natural state of a child, and to behave, for all intents and purposes, like a little Caligula.
But it can be done! Observe your child as he or she abuses their peers or the family pet, and ignore utterly your every request. Soon you will be able to pick up their invaluable sociopathic skills, and learn to take innocent and inconsiderate pleasure in abusing your family, boss, and coworkers. It can even prepare you with new skills that you can apply to new career paths like politics or law!!
Forgive your outbursts
No matter how close you all are, sometimes you’ll just lose it. You’ll get angry, rant and rave, maybe even go after a family member with a chain saw. But unless you hurt someone, you only need admit that you’re only human and move on.
Indeed, beating yourself up afterwards is not the solution, since there are a lot more people deserving of a good thrashing than you.
Becoming a more peaceful person, particularly in at home and with family, is a process, not a destination; unless of course your family has taken off to a destination such as your mother-in-laws, while leaving you in proud possession of a six pack of beer and the TV remote control. When you forgive your own outbursts its easier to extend the same courtesy to others, particularly when you visit them in the place where your outburst put them, namely the hospital or mental ward.
Think of your home as the Golden Gate Bridge
Like most folks, I used to get overwhelmed and frustrated about the maintenance of our home. If seemed like nothing ever got done- a bed needed making, meals had to be prepared, and pants had to be put on one leg at a time, again and again. I kept waiting for the time when the work would be finished, but alas, I never won the lottery, my kids unfortunately didn’t run off as they reached puberty, and my wife refuses to accept my narrow instinctive calling of hunter-gatherer.
Then I hear a story about how the Golden Gate Bridge had to be painted every day, and how this incessant painting caused many workers to leap off the bridge in despair, and local government to impose onerous tolls. Thinking about my responsibilities in these terms has been a tremendous relief to me. Now when I think about my wife and kids constantly badgering me for money or to do incessant chores, I can quell my ardent desire to jump off the roof. Instead of panicking when something needs to be done, I put in all in perspective. So, as mildew, termites, and nagging family progressively reduce my physical and social life to a shambles, I will not panic, and keep in mind that all of these things can be addressed the first thing tomorrow.
Develop your own reset button
In every home there are warning signals that chaos is imminent. These signs, such a billowing smoke, siren alarms, shrieking cats and mates, and the stampeding noise of children are usually ignored until they interfere with your appreciation of the football game on TV. But by then its normally too late, and you are then rudely pulled out of your Lay-z-boy into the baleful world of oven cleaning chores, lawn mowing, and little Johnny’s soccer practice.
But we can use these feelings as signals to hit the reset button. So when your family gathers around you like hungry hyenas zoning in on an injured wildebeest, you take them into another room, and hit your reset button. This button, which resembles the garage door opener, can slam them in the garage for hours at a time. As you wait for them to cool off, you can cool off with your beer as you finish your game. While you’re at it you can develop a rewind, fast forward, and pause button too as you think about the good old days, about your upcoming vacation, and about that quick nap that you’re going to take right now.
Read a book that takes a different position from what you hold dear.
Its always good to expand your horizon, to challenge yourself with new ideas. Sometimes we can get stuck when we revert again and again to the same old patterns of thinking. You know that those well worn and tiring rules, those boring golden rules, stop signs, and fat content labels on hot dog wrappers. These can really impede you from dynamic and liberating thinking. A quick antidote from the same old ways of thinking is to read books that take positions a bit different from those we are so familiar and complacent with.
For example, I read the other day a book written by an obscure Austrian house painter. I learned some marvelous new things, such as how people need lots of living space, and how really selfish some people are who refuse to share their ample living space with others who just need a little living room. This is particularly irksome when all you need is something small, like the Ukraine.
I also learned some interesting things about international politics and banking, and in particular about the worldwide Jewish conspiracy that threatens world peace. I also became interested in joining fun social groups where I enjoyed the camaraderie of campfire meetings at the local church or synagogue. Since then my life has changed so much for the better, and all thanks to the courage to consider new ideas, and of course to the inspiration of mein Fuhrer!
Let someone else be right
When someone else wins an argument, it doesn’t mean that you lose, since no one can really win until you say so. Settling an argument is like settling the score of a football game, except you’re a referee. So when your wife declares you an utter fool, you can easily call back the argument on a technicality. Thus, by merely saying, "But I recall that it was you who said such and such", there is no way for your better half to revisit the time of the conversation to conclusively prove you are wrong. Thus, since there is no instant replay available for your past mistakes, you’re pretty safe to dismiss any argument she may have.
Besides reinventing the past, another helpful strategy is to simply change the topic. For example, if one of my kids say, "You never spend any time with me." My first thought would be to respond, "Yes, I do. Wasn’t it just three years ago that we went to the park?" However, this just feeds the argument. A better response is. "You’re right. I’d like to spend more time together. I love you very much." As you return to watching your favorite wresting match, you know that you have not only ended the argument before it started, but that you reinforced in your child that precious cynical attitude that will cause him to give up before he even thinks about questioning you again.
Finally, if a family member just has to be right, let them be right about something you care little or nothing about. Tell your wife that her choice of wallpaper is perfect, your child that Mohawk haircut looks fine, and your teenager that its ok to substitute a three month BA degree from Bob’s Institute of Hair Care in place of a university education.
Speak Softly…and carry a big stick
If you really want someone to listen to you, soften your voice as you slowly stroke the sides of a baseball bat. You be surprised how attentive and respectful your audience will become as they notice that you mean business. As you relax your body and lower your voice, take a few practice swings. Smashing a lamp or two will communicate to your family the transitory nature of existence, and they will know and appreciate your sincerity.
You’ll be surprised that similar mild mannered gestures such as holding frying pans, hammers, and assorted power tools can be perceived as a gentle portent of doom. This apocalyptic foreboding can elicit just the right ‘fear of dad’ that can make your family as attentive and affectionate as a warm puppy.
Ask Yourself, "Why not me."
A few years ago, I was complaining to my boss Ebenezer about how miserable and wretched my life was. Rather than sympathize with my plight, he snarled:
"Is there some reason you should be exempted from the troubles of the human race? And so what if you can’t make your VISA payments? Are there not workhouses? Are there not jails? Your complaint is just a big humbug!"
He was just stating the obvious—that everyone’s life is full of disasters, tragedies, and frequent indigestion. Regardless of your background, religion, sex, credit rating, astrological sign, or sense of humor, shit happens.
Case closed.
Remember what your children really want
Its easy to say, "My children are the most important thing to me in my life", but another to ask what it is that makes you important in their own eyes. Our kids don’t need our success, and they don’t need our love, they need our bucks. They don’t care if you are a doctor, lawyer, hooker, Mr. Rogers, or a Mafia Don. They just need the bucks, and they will pretend to love you just fine. Your willingness to give them money unconditionally will turn them into slavering sycophants with marginal social skills who have a phobic response to anything resembling working for a living.
We have only a short window of opportunity to make them into such helpless dependent creatures. Fortunately, most of us have wisely dedicated ourselves to career success to the exclusion of time wasting activities like reading to our kids, watching their soccer games, or talking to them. This frees us to earn those precious bucks that kids most dearly need. Kids just want to be at the center of our universe, and to live on the planet Bloomindales. For the few precious years that we have them, lets make it so.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Parsing Optimism: Martin E. P. Seligman and the Science of Happiness
If one were to define two conceits of the modern mind that form loops both trivial and profound, it would be the age of anxiety matched by the antidote of optimism. Of course, before the age of psychological euphemism people had much more reason to be anxious than the traffic/work/income tax challenged folk of today. Arguably, the difference between now and then is that needs for basic survival have been replaced by subtler insecurities ironically emerging from an age of leisure. Simply put, although we are magnitudes wealthier, more secure, and healthier than our ancestors, our reported happiness has been trending not upwards, but down. This of course belies the economic maxim that an increase in economic goods parallels a rise in psychological goods. In other words, if we're so rich, why are we so unhappy? The answer goes to the core of what unhappiness or happiness is. In a static sense, we all know the feeling, literally. It's an affective, emotional thing that we can allude to but not fully describe. In an active sense, we may not know it better, but at least it seems, well, actionable. In its simplest form, happiness is based ultimately on how how one will perceive the world. To look 'optimistically' upon things is a cure seductive in its simplicity, and packaged with the rhetoric of psychology has become a veritable industry in itself. The better or bright side of things has been grist for a publication mill of self help books that essentially play variations of the same thing: namely the evocation and implemenation of an optimistic way of life.
What is optimism? In the trivial sense, it is the cognitive act of appraising the increased likelihood of good things. Optimism energizes behavior, focuses and sharpens thought, and in its exercise, feels good. Sometimes optimism arises when we realistically appraise our circumstances and competencies, and on other occasions it occurs when we purposively shade or distort our perception of the world. Self help maxims notwithstanding, it certainly is to our emotional interest to accentuale the positive; yet in all philosophy, whether the academic or popular kind, optimism never rises above euphemism to explanation. Ultimately, it is a matter of words, of defining one's terms. The French philosopher Voltaire said that all debate and confusion arise from failing to define what you're talking about. The controversy over the uses and philosopy of optimism is no different.
Profound Optimism
What is optimism? It is of course the appraisal of the high likelihood of good things, but optimism explained must implicate not just what we appraise, but how we appraise. Combined, they provide a new perspective of optimism that is simple and profound.
1. TO BE OPTIMISTIC IS TO BE UNCERTAIN.
We are optimistic that the sun will shine, but not that the sun will rise. To cohere to the logic of optimism, we can never be optimistic about things that are certain, for if we had perfect knowledge of all things past and future, optimism could never be.
2. OPTIMISM IS AFFECTIVE
The perception of a positive uncertainty, such as a raise, an accomplishment, or just a sunny day represents a transition from a lesser to a greater likelihood that a good thing will occur, or in other words is a reconciliation of a prediction error that bodes future benefit. This estimation, whether of real (actual) or virtual (modeled) events is known to us respectively as good fortune or hope, but also has a very real neurological basis, namely in the heightened production of neurochemicals or neuromodulators such as dopamine that arouse and fix attention, increase the efficiency of thought, and subjectively, feel good. Moreover, the more good things we appraise, and the more important they are the better we feel, as we can shift our perspective from one good thing to another.
3. OPTIMISM MAY BE CONSCIOUS OR NON-CONCIOUS
The act of perceiving information does not necessarily entail a verbal or metaphorical label. Intuition, foreboding, or 'gut-level' feelings represent nonconscious estimations of the world that we are aware of not verbally, but emotionally.
4. OPTIMISM MAY BE GENERAL OR SPECIFIC.
We may be optimistic of success in all of our endeavors, or optimism may represent the likelihood of a positive outcome of a specific performance, or even aspects of a performance. Thus an individual may be optimistic about 'life', about his success in a game of chess, or about a move in chess.
The fact that optimism must be defined by affective (how we feel), cognitive (how we think), and behavioral (what we do) criteria removes it from the breezy linguistic usage as a mere metaphorical artifact or thing, and provides a unifying explanatory basis for the many metaphorical species of pleasurable behaviors or behavior sets that are optimistic to the core. For example, whereas optimism may reflect a generalized appraisal of likely good things, 'obsession' or 'passion' may reflect our heightened arousal when these good things are extremely important, and 'interest' may reflect the moment to moment or molecular appraisal of likely plot twists in a novel, inspiring ideas to an artist, or winning moves in athleticism, and may vault to 'peak' or 'flow' experiences when those moment to moment events are important and continuously perceived.
In all of these shades, optimism represents wanting, the moment to moment estimate of having. But wanting is nonetheless separate from having in all of its aspects from the physiological to the psychological, and ironically, is viewed by behaviorist and biologist alike as the very stuff, the essence of reinforcement.
What is optimism? In the trivial sense, it is the cognitive act of appraising the increased likelihood of good things. Optimism energizes behavior, focuses and sharpens thought, and in its exercise, feels good. Sometimes optimism arises when we realistically appraise our circumstances and competencies, and on other occasions it occurs when we purposively shade or distort our perception of the world. Self help maxims notwithstanding, it certainly is to our emotional interest to accentuale the positive; yet in all philosophy, whether the academic or popular kind, optimism never rises above euphemism to explanation. Ultimately, it is a matter of words, of defining one's terms. The French philosopher Voltaire said that all debate and confusion arise from failing to define what you're talking about. The controversy over the uses and philosopy of optimism is no different.
Profound Optimism
What is optimism? It is of course the appraisal of the high likelihood of good things, but optimism explained must implicate not just what we appraise, but how we appraise. Combined, they provide a new perspective of optimism that is simple and profound.
1. TO BE OPTIMISTIC IS TO BE UNCERTAIN.
We are optimistic that the sun will shine, but not that the sun will rise. To cohere to the logic of optimism, we can never be optimistic about things that are certain, for if we had perfect knowledge of all things past and future, optimism could never be.
2. OPTIMISM IS AFFECTIVE
The perception of a positive uncertainty, such as a raise, an accomplishment, or just a sunny day represents a transition from a lesser to a greater likelihood that a good thing will occur, or in other words is a reconciliation of a prediction error that bodes future benefit. This estimation, whether of real (actual) or virtual (modeled) events is known to us respectively as good fortune or hope, but also has a very real neurological basis, namely in the heightened production of neurochemicals or neuromodulators such as dopamine that arouse and fix attention, increase the efficiency of thought, and subjectively, feel good. Moreover, the more good things we appraise, and the more important they are the better we feel, as we can shift our perspective from one good thing to another.
3. OPTIMISM MAY BE CONSCIOUS OR NON-CONCIOUS
The act of perceiving information does not necessarily entail a verbal or metaphorical label. Intuition, foreboding, or 'gut-level' feelings represent nonconscious estimations of the world that we are aware of not verbally, but emotionally.
4. OPTIMISM MAY BE GENERAL OR SPECIFIC.
We may be optimistic of success in all of our endeavors, or optimism may represent the likelihood of a positive outcome of a specific performance, or even aspects of a performance. Thus an individual may be optimistic about 'life', about his success in a game of chess, or about a move in chess.
The fact that optimism must be defined by affective (how we feel), cognitive (how we think), and behavioral (what we do) criteria removes it from the breezy linguistic usage as a mere metaphorical artifact or thing, and provides a unifying explanatory basis for the many metaphorical species of pleasurable behaviors or behavior sets that are optimistic to the core. For example, whereas optimism may reflect a generalized appraisal of likely good things, 'obsession' or 'passion' may reflect our heightened arousal when these good things are extremely important, and 'interest' may reflect the moment to moment or molecular appraisal of likely plot twists in a novel, inspiring ideas to an artist, or winning moves in athleticism, and may vault to 'peak' or 'flow' experiences when those moment to moment events are important and continuously perceived.
In all of these shades, optimism represents wanting, the moment to moment estimate of having. But wanting is nonetheless separate from having in all of its aspects from the physiological to the psychological, and ironically, is viewed by behaviorist and biologist alike as the very stuff, the essence of reinforcement.
The Inversion of Reward
In economics, reward is a natural thing, and is essentially and simply described. But in psychology, it has of late become a doubtful and even notorious thing, because as we have noted, happiness does not correlate all too well with material wealth. According to the 'methodological' behaviorism of B. F. Skinner, reward is a discrete instance where we have obtained something, and is scarcely different from the economic model that indexes well being to the accumulation of things, whether measured by individual possessions or GNP. Yet modern biological and radical behaviorisms have inverted this maxim to equate reward or reinforcement with 'wanting', and not 'having'. These discrepancy based models of reinforcement or reward equate reward with the positive apprehension of choice that in simple terms is no more than optimism.
The implications of this are profound, yet have scarcely been plumbed. If wanting, not having, is the essence of value, then it matters little what we have than how we want it. To prolong and accentuate positive desire, whether known as ambition, hope, or flow or simply looking forward to a new day puts psychology square not against behaviorism, but economics. It shall be interesting to say the least to see how these new perspective will bode for human happiness and the future of the race.
The implications of this are profound, yet have scarcely been plumbed. If wanting, not having, is the essence of value, then it matters little what we have than how we want it. To prolong and accentuate positive desire, whether known as ambition, hope, or flow or simply looking forward to a new day puts psychology square not against behaviorism, but economics. It shall be interesting to say the least to see how these new perspective will bode for human happiness and the future of the race.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
The Hungry Gene
It’s a well know fact that we have a need to eat, but what is its cause: nature or nuture?. Researchers at the Academy of Lagado recently made the startling conclusion that the drive to eat is a genetic tendency, and does not derive from spoon feeding, breast feeding, Happy Meal coupons, or other purely environmental influences. It seems that long ago, creatures who ate had a decided reproductive advantage over creatures that didn’t eat. Thus the non-eaters would tend to die off, leaving the eating population, and their ‘hungry’ genes around to propagate like crazy. The implications of this are startling. As Dr. Dawson Richard claims in his bold and original book, ‘The Hungry Gene’. According to Dr. Richard, we are but molecular machines that exist to serve an inborn genetic craving for saturated fats, sweets, and special sauces. Richard makes the revolutionary claim that we do not eat to live, but rather live to eat!! Dr. Richard, who is the Ichabod Crane Professor of Neuro-spastic biology at the Academy of Lagado, says that ultimately we can’t help ourselves when confronted with plates of chicken nuggets, potato chips, pizza slices, and chocolates because we are unconsciously driven by genetic puppet masters that have just got to eat. But these genetic puppet masters don’t stop there, but direct even our table manners!!
In a carefully contrived series of experiments, Dr. Richard noted that when left alone in grocery stores, little children helped themselves to all sorts of food, from chips to fruit, and showed no concern about the fact that their behavior was quite rude, obnoxious, and even illegal. He then cleverly deduced that children not only have an inborn tendency to eat, but an equally inborn tendency to be rude, and to act like insensitive little brats. The genetic tendency to be rude probably arose from our early ancestors, who could obtain life supporting nutrients faster if they snatched if from their parents, stole it from another’s nest, or jumped ahead of the line. This conclusion met with great controversy from other Lagado academics, who disputed the claim that we have an inborn tendency to be rude. Indeed, several critics noted that rudeness could not have been genetically favored in our ancestors, since rude behavior can only provide a series of quick snacks at best, which is hardly enough to secure the propagation of one’s hungry genes.
Nonetheless, Richard knew he was on to something by his postulation of genetic puppet masters, since it explained lots of things without a wasteful recourse to unnecessary thinking. Indeed, he figured that the genetic metaphor can be extended to just about anything that involves some sort of selection, from marriage partners to shoes. Take ideas for instance. We often select different ideas by figuring out their value to us. Good ideas crowd out the bad, and can spread like crazy given enough marketing buzz. If we just think about ideas as little viral entities that can spread like cold germs and infest our minds like some mind altering plague, these ‘memes’ provide a whole new way for us to shift responsibility without shifting the way we think. Thus, when you are confronted with some new or imagined fault, just say it’s not my fault, just blame those bad ideas.
Empowered by his insight, in his following great work, ‘The Copyrighted Phenotype’, Richard expanded the Darwinian metaphor from everything from architecture to shopping. Thus the patterns and shapes of lumber that you see at your hardware store are selected because they have fittedness, pants are selected because they must have a tight fit, an adolescents can hardly wait to select each other (particularly if they are looking fit) and pass on their genes and memes. Thus, along with meme and genes, we have selfish beams, blue genes, and teens as new and exciting genetic metaphors that can be used to further our academic knowledge and dementia.
In a carefully contrived series of experiments, Dr. Richard noted that when left alone in grocery stores, little children helped themselves to all sorts of food, from chips to fruit, and showed no concern about the fact that their behavior was quite rude, obnoxious, and even illegal. He then cleverly deduced that children not only have an inborn tendency to eat, but an equally inborn tendency to be rude, and to act like insensitive little brats. The genetic tendency to be rude probably arose from our early ancestors, who could obtain life supporting nutrients faster if they snatched if from their parents, stole it from another’s nest, or jumped ahead of the line. This conclusion met with great controversy from other Lagado academics, who disputed the claim that we have an inborn tendency to be rude. Indeed, several critics noted that rudeness could not have been genetically favored in our ancestors, since rude behavior can only provide a series of quick snacks at best, which is hardly enough to secure the propagation of one’s hungry genes.
Nonetheless, Richard knew he was on to something by his postulation of genetic puppet masters, since it explained lots of things without a wasteful recourse to unnecessary thinking. Indeed, he figured that the genetic metaphor can be extended to just about anything that involves some sort of selection, from marriage partners to shoes. Take ideas for instance. We often select different ideas by figuring out their value to us. Good ideas crowd out the bad, and can spread like crazy given enough marketing buzz. If we just think about ideas as little viral entities that can spread like cold germs and infest our minds like some mind altering plague, these ‘memes’ provide a whole new way for us to shift responsibility without shifting the way we think. Thus, when you are confronted with some new or imagined fault, just say it’s not my fault, just blame those bad ideas.
Empowered by his insight, in his following great work, ‘The Copyrighted Phenotype’, Richard expanded the Darwinian metaphor from everything from architecture to shopping. Thus the patterns and shapes of lumber that you see at your hardware store are selected because they have fittedness, pants are selected because they must have a tight fit, an adolescents can hardly wait to select each other (particularly if they are looking fit) and pass on their genes and memes. Thus, along with meme and genes, we have selfish beams, blue genes, and teens as new and exciting genetic metaphors that can be used to further our academic knowledge and dementia.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Dumb Stress Tips
The late twentieth century has been labeled the Age of Anxiety. This is a rather odd name, since in centuries past we certainly had a lot more to worry about, like surviving dangerous and debilitating work in assorted coal mines, sweat shops, and dingy factories, not to mention biannual plagues, wars, and natural disasters. Nowadays, we have a lot more time to worry about things, and we can do so in our leisure. Funny thing is, our problems are not that bad relative to times past. The problem is that we are prepared to think through the crises of life, but we often really can’t our finger on them because they are so relatively insubstantial. That’s stressful enough in itself, so we solve our confusion by attributing it to a mere result of the daily demands to sweat the small stuff, lots of small stuff. Stress represents all of those annoying little things that make life uncomfortable, and can’t be neatly attributed to a single cause, like death, taxes, or an alien invasion. They can make you uncomfortable, but are not so unbearable as to force you to shuck your wife and kids for a grass hut in Belize. It’s a type of bearable discomfort, a sort of unhappiness-lite. When bad times become such feather weights, so do their cures, and stress articles offer you a remedy in ten second cures which are as insubstantial and annoyingly saccharine as gum drops.
Stress tips generally end up in as filler in newspapers, or as lead articles in Bad Women’s Magazines. You generally won’t find them in Men’s Magazines, which neatly sum up stress as the price to conquest and accomplishment in business, sports, sex or politics. For men, the ultimate stress cure is putting other people under stress, and that contradiction is hardly grist for feel good articles nestled in between decorating tips and cake recipes.
The stress business amounts to a thriving industry which employs untold numbers of counselors, therapists, and self help gurus. But as with any good industry, to keep increasing the case load, you have to make people become more aware of all that stress they are encountering. Often, more stress needs to be manufactured so that the stress industry can grow more and more to help those in need. Of course, this new stress production is kept on the sly, but we can see how it is cranked out by simply perusing any number of Bad Women’s magazines. For example, a magazine titled something like ‘Today’s Boring Woman’ will show a lady how to make 25 layer cream pies and how to be independent, assertive and free, and on the next page counsel her on how to drop her weight, and how to attract and be servile to her man. Actually, these magazines give women stress by telling them two different things, and perpetuate the cycle of redundant advice which they obligingly include between their covers. But of course, if they provided good advice to begin with, they would
In keeping with
Dr. Mezmer offers the following bad stress tips
Dr. Mezmer’s Bad Stress Tips
- Try a tonic
- Smile!
- Invent a rating system
- Stop gritting your teeth.
- Make up a mantra
- Write it down
- Schedule worry time
- Play some music
- Be mindful
- Dial a Friend
A study at the Duke-Nukem University in Placebo, N.C. found that homeopathy is a swell cure for anxiety disorders. To find a good nerve tonic, consult a licensed homeopath, or heteropath is your tastes aren’t that kinky. Ingredients for good tonics include catnip oils, essence of buffalo tripe, and at least three ounces of a good gin.
Dr. P. T. Barnum of the Bailey Institute of Stress and Egress, says that smiling transmits nerve impulses from the facial muscles to the hippocampal-elephantoid complex in the limbo system, a key emotional centroplex in the brain, tilting the neurochemical balance towards calm, and your good sense towards empty. But don’t do it too long, since your face will lock up, and you will have to go to the emergency room smiling like the village idiot.
Using a scale of one to ten, with one being a minor inconvenience and ten being torn apart by wild boars, assign a number to each of your daily problems. You’ll soon not only recognize how insignificant your stress is, but how utterly trivial are the things that caused your stress to begin with. Thus armed with this transcendent knowledge, you will thus be inclined to abandon that formerly stressful job, wife, and family, and pursue more meaningful pursuits like Buddhist contemplation or Guatemalan tax law.
Stress tends to settle in certain places in our bodies, sort of like an emotional cellulite. The jaw is a likely place which stress ends up, and can cause a rather biblical degree of gritting and gnashing of teeth. Eventually this can give you that gummy bear smile that you found so endearing in your drooling great-grandfather. To prevent this, Dr. Emmit Lockjaw of the Danish College of Stressodontics recommends a dandy stress de-locator. Simply press your index fingertips on your jaw joint, clench your teeth, inhale deeply, and as you breathe out say "Why am I doing this useless exercise!?" Repeat a few times until you notice that your stress has moved to a new place, namely to your clenched fist that you are waving in the air as you recognize how stupid you were to have been conned into trying this dumb procedure.
When life’s a bear, you need an affirmation, a short, clear, coping statement that confirms once again your capabilities of self delusion. According to Dr. Phil Gates, a Certified Master of the Universe, the operating system that runs our brains sometimes displays a tiny little self critical voice, like an unwelcome error message, that crashes our best laid intentions. Dr. Gates suggests as a mental patch some calming words that sooth the spirit, and allow one take stock in a bullish attitude on life. Simply close your eyes, and silently repeat to yourself these life affirming words: Microsoft at 252! Microsoft at 252! Of course, like every good mantra, these words have a very special (and copyrighted) resonance with the universe, not to mention Wall Street. Thus, Dr. Gates asks that you send him five dollars so that you can properly register your mantra. If this mantra replaces one you are already using, Dr. Gates offers a mantra upgrade price of only $2.50.
Paul Roach, President of the All American Stress Graduate School of Bonkers, N.Y., notes that writing provides perspective, a way of sorting out all that jumbled up self talk that is so full of misspellings and run on thinking. Simply divide a piece of paper into two parts. On the left side, list the stressors you can probably change, and on the right those you can’t. Tear off the right side of the paper, crumple it, and throw it away. This will signal to the right or reasoning side of your brain that you mean business, and won’t put up with unreasonable stressors. Of course your left or imaginative side of your brain will see this as a wonderful opportunity to let it all hang out since the right brain won’t likely get uptight. It will thus proceed to engage in stress free reveries that your right brain would never approve, and come home late at night intoxicated by its far off musings with other erotic thoughts of the evening.
Stressors are like squawling babies. They demand attention, and once they get it, poop all over you. If you pay attention to them, they get the connection, and then they will never stop getting on your nerves. You must treat your stressors like little babies, and discipline them by putting on a psychic feeding schedule that you determine. According to Dr. Price Waterhouse, author of Accounting for Stress, stressors are like babbling little debits that are best dealt with at a later time, and should be filed away in one of those countless little mental compartments in your cerebral noggin. Let’s say that your house is on fire, the IRS wants to audit you, and you just ran over the neighbor’s cat. Just say to yourself no time for that now! Simply file them away in your head, review them on a monthly basis when you can dispassionately review them, and then close them out. But remember, if your IQ is above 90, you are subject to an audit by your common sense, which will probably disallow this stupid procedure.
A number of studies have demonstrated that music slows heartbeat, or in the case of heavy metal rock music, stops heartbeat. Music also increases mesomorphins, a pre-archaic chemical that primed our ancient ancestors (hairy two inch shrews.) to freeze and play dead upon spotting a velociraptor. Best bets for some soothing tunes are: Airing out my G-String, by J.S. Bach, Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (tr: I’m inclined to knock music) by W. A. Mozart, the adagio from Beethovens’s Erotic Symphony, the tranquil and uplifting final movement from Tchaikovsky’s Pathetic Symphony, and the slow languid tones of Johann Tacobel’s Canon for unaccompanied tuba.
Heighten your awareness by concentrating on an object. Consider a No.2 pencil. Look at it and admire its long shaft and soft conical tip. Feel it’s long, hard firmness as you thrust it in your hand. Caress the soft nub of the eraser against the folds of your skin. Very, very soon, you will either feel a surge of calm or other surges which will head you towards the bathroom.
Sharing your problems with a friend shows you that they care. Of course, you’re more likely nowadays to get voice mail, or your friend will have caller ID and not answer the phone, or he may well be unlisted. Obviously, your friend may be reducing his own stress level by not talking to you. A good feature about this technique is that it will at least reduce someone’s stress, even if all you get for your trouble is an annoying busy signal.
11. Tend your garden
Nothing sooths frayed nerves like communing with nature. Tend to a houseplant, or at the very least, to that fungus growing around your tub. As you weed your garden, you will be cognizant of the plants=growth=cycle of life, which is a nice way of saying that you are merely a weed in the garden of life, and soon you will be pulled out by your roots by the Cosmic Mr. Green Jeans. So why worry?
- Knock your head
- Admit it
Drs. Manfred Black and Richard Decker, authors of the Home Depot "Do it yourself manual for stress relief" suggest that when you feel you’re up against the wall, get up against the wall. Lean your head against a wall, move your head back about four inches. Now slam your head through it. When you regain consciousness, your stress will be gone, along with much of the short term memory which was responsible for that stress to begin with.
Each of us has unique individual stress signals that signal impending stress, like shoulder pain, shallow breathing, loss of temper, queasiness, etc. Unfortunately, these signals don’t just signal stress, they are stress, and thus leave us with the amazing revelation that stress predicts stress. Knowing these signals have as much perceptive acuity as predicting an earthquake because the earth is shaking, or wondering how a road sign in view that says ‘you are here’ knew how you were indeed here!
These unique signals, like hearing another news story about Monica and Bill, looking at the head light of an oncoming train, or trying to cash in your Indonesian treasury bills. You can do something about it now, like turn off the TV set, get off the tracks, or get into a better investment plan.
14. Check your kim chee
Kim chee is the 5,000 year old Korean art of pickled cabbage. Once ingested the kim chee flows throughout the body generating a high level of stress relieving RPM’s, with only moderate methane by products. The kim chee force is quite powerful, and needs to be vented periodically to maximizes its stress relieving properties. Just bend your knees to a squat position while keeping your upper body straight. Observe your breathing for a few seconds, and feel the surge of calm as the released kim chee vapors envelope you. Of course, when you do this make sure you are away from any co-workers, friends, or heat sources.
15. Fight Back
At the first sign of stress, people often complain, ‘What did I do to deserve this!’ the trouble is, feeling like a victim only increases your feelings of utter worthlessness, self loathing, and impending doom. In times like this, mere therapy just won’t do. Extreme situations require extreme remedies. So don’t wallow in self pity, fight back! Take hostages, make bomb threats, send angry e-mail!. Serene in the knowledge of the soothing powers of vengefulness, you can sustain your mellow vibes by relaxing in the woods while the feds hunt you down.
- Try an infomercial
- Stimulate your pressure points
Dr. Zip Zipper, author of the book "Stress Management with No Money Down", notes that stress is often a result of recurring inconveniences that occur day after day. How often do we snap at the kids, kick the dog, and wallop our mate when our nerves are put on edge by the mere fact that we are terrible at dicing onions and making julienne fries? Clearly, your stress is but a fruit dehydrator or ginzo pasta steamer away. In his book Dr. Zipper demonstrates the healing power of infomercials, and how novel kitchen appliances, real estate investment schemes, and feel good self help seminars can eliminate those stressors in no time, and with no money down! Because you are likely too stressed to find the time to read, Dr. Zipper offers a 25 cassette version of his 90pp. Book for only 56 monthly payments of $9.99!
Acupressure stimulates the same points as acupuncture, but without feeling needled. According to Dr. Theopolis Goodyear of the Acupressure Institute, stress is a hydraulic process that can cause one to figuratively explode if one can’t find the little input valve that can let out all the hot air. By pressing down on the right bodily points, one can reduce this pressure to acceptable levels. Dr. Goodyear recommends that stress pressure should be checked at least once a month, since unchecked stress can wear you down, and may be vented improperly and prematurely wear out your welcome with other people.
The three major pressure points are:
The Third Eye : Look down (you’ll know him when you see him)
Mystic Mounds: (come in different cup sizes)
Heavenly Buns: glutinous maximus
Bring firm steady pressure on each point for three minutes. The pressure should cause a mild warm sensation, but take care that the feeling not turn sensational. This is particularly the case when all three pressure points are activated simultaneously, and may be delicately called ‘making babies’.
18 Visualize Calm
If you don’t feel calm, you’re just not looking for it. Calm is just a visualization away.
According to Millard Funkstein M. D., the author of ‘Healing Delusions’, suggests this following routine. Close your eyes, take three long slow breaths and visualize yourself loping through a meadow with a clutch of daffodils, kneeling by a babbling brook, or walking along a beach. Soon, your stress will fade away, and you will be immersed in a healing calm. A word of caution though. If you meet along the way long dead relatives, then you’re far beyond being relaxed! You’re dead! Dr. Funkstein thus recommends that unless you want to be permanently relaxed, don’t try this technique while you’re driving a car or using power tools.
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